Trusting in the Lord

The ending of this pregnancy has definitely not gone as I had expected.  When I was given a cut-off date and a scheduled c-section 6 days past my due date, I never thought it would be a date I would use.  But here I am, one day from that date, and starting to come to grips with the fact that my desire for a VBAC and to go into labor naturally (like I did with Micah) are likely not in the cards with this little boy.

I have had an emotional few days, starting first with the reality that I went past my due date to ending with the reality that a c-section is very likely (with everything in between).  After my emergency c-section with Micah and my sadness on missing out on a natural birth, I knew this time around a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) was my desire and goal.  I am a good candidate, as Micah's emergency c-sec was due to face presentation and not something "wrong" with me that would hinder a vaginal delivery.  I went it to labor on my own, one day prior to my due date, and have stayed healthy and fit throughout pregnancy.  I saw a chiropractor starting my 3rd trimester who helped to loosen my pelvic muscles, therefore making birth that much easier, through use of the Websters technique (among other added benefits of chiropractic work).  I have researched many, many sites which help promote optimal fetal positioning (spinningbabies.com is a fantastic site!).  All of these variables should help lead up to a healthy, vaginal delivery.

As my due date came and went, I began seeking out methods that might help kick-start my labor.  These methods included herbal supplements (red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil) to walking tons (6 miles at a time at 38, 39 and 40+ weeks pregnant) to lots of time on the birthing ball, and a few other attempts.  Yesterday, at day 4 past my due date, I went in for an NST and BPP (monitoring procedures to ensure the baby is doing okay since I am sooooo far past my due date - note my sarcasm here) and inquired about the stripping of the membranes and breaking my water as last ditch efforts.  My two midwives, both very supportive of my VBAC desires who believe I should have no problems being able to do it, were discussing both of these options as well prior to my "deadline" on Wednesday morning.  One caveat to both of these required dilation of the cervix.  I wasn't dilated last Wednesday at all, and was just praying that something had changed, as I knew I was running out of time and options.

Well, things had changed, but only slightly, as I was *almost* a 1cm.  Progress, but not enough to strip the membranes, and also not enough to give my midwife confidence that they could break my bag of waters.  They had talked about possibly bringing me in tonight (Tuesday evening) and doing that to see if it started labor prior to my scheduled c-section Wednesday morning, but it appeared that both of these options were not viable for me.

I left the hospital yesterday and a flood of emotions overcame me and I could no longer hold back tears.  After a breakdown and coming to grips with the situation, I kept telling myself that God is in control.  That I know!  And if I'm destined to have a second c-section, I have to trust in His plan.  "'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11.  Maybe there's something wrong with me (that I am unaware of) and I'm not physically equipped to birth a child vaginally.  Maybe He's protecting me through an experience that would not end well saving me disappointment or worse on that end.  Whatever might be going on, it's not in my control.  The entire process of creating a life from start to finish is a complete miracle, as we all know!  It is one of the most amazing encounters in life, and one that I think very clearly shows a creator who orchestrates everything together.  It is the miracle of life that makes me wonder how anyone can question that there is a God, because clearly humans are not able to do this on our own accord.  I know that all too well through the beginning of our parenting journey back in 2008.  And while I am so grateful to be 1 day away from the birth of our second little boy, I realize my plans are not my own and I DO put my trust in the Lord.

I write this on Tuesday morning, knowing that I could still very well go in to labor at some point before tomorrow morning.  Either way though, in 24 hours from now we will be at the hospital, and I will be just a couple of hours away from holding that precious gift of life in my hands.  All is out of my control - as is the entire process of pregnancy, really - and I am okay with that.  I trust that God has it under control and am excited to see the outcome.  I am so ready to meet this little boy.  Christian, Micah and I have an amazing bond together, and we are eagerly anticipating the new arrival joining our family.

Please pray for us in the next day(s) as life is about to completely change!  Pray that the delivery goes well and that a healthy baby and mom come out on the other side.  Pray that we are able to adjust to a family of 4, and that we do the best we can with helping Micah shift to a big brother role.  Pray that Micah does okay being away from Mom and Dad for a couple of days while we are at the hospital.  And pray that my recovery from what looks like a c-section goes smoothly without any hiccups along the way, as I'll have a newborn and a very active toddler to take care of.  And I promise, update on the baby to come soon!! :)

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

A few videos to share

While passing time before baby #2 arrives, I wanted to get a couple of Micah videos posted, knowing it may not happen after the fact.

This first sequence shows him laughing hysterically at Christian. Not sure why his hands are in his mouth, as that rarely happens, but he loves it when Christian makes silly faces and runs from one corner of the kitchen to the other...it's the simple things in life, right?

The second video shows off his counting skills. He loves to count anything/everything. He's not always right, although last week we did get a 1-15 by himself, completely accurate! Don't ask me where 7 comes from either...sounds more like 20, but it's his 7.

The third video shows his love of praying. Without fail, my brother's son, Baby Luke, is mentioned immediately. Most times that's followed up by Josh and Kari. At the end of each prayer he usually claps and cheers - I love his enthusiasm:)

40 weeks - Dday!

I am actually one day shy of 40 weeks, but I was with the picture I took with Micah's pregnancy also, and happened to go into labor later that day, so I figured it was worth a shot. Micah came right on time - went in to labor 1 day early, but he was born on his due date. Certainly hoping baby #2 follows suit, but at this point, it's seeming to be wishful thinking.

I actually did contract for about 2.5-3 hours last night...enough to even call Christian's parents to let them know we might be calling them in the wee hours of the night...but lo and behold it went nowhere. I actually got a little sad last night as the contractions continued at the thought of Micah not being my only baby anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about our second son about to arrive any day (hour?!!? :)) but it just hit me last night that I might have put Micah to bed for the last time as my only boy. At my midwife appointment today, I realized it was going to be my last as well. I'm scheduled for a c-section next Wednesday and praying it doesn't come. I honestly can't imagine still being pregnant a week from now, and highly doubt we will be using that date, but it's there if there's no child prior to then.

In the meantime, I am soaking in my last moments with Micah and my "freedom" from the newborn regime about to take over our lives. I am walking a ton (walked 6 miles Monday, 3.25 today) thinking something has to work sometime, right? I know, baby will come when baby's ready, but whatever I can do to think I am helping is where I'm at.

Stay tuned for a baby post! It will be coming soon - I'm sure of it :) In the meantime, pray for a safe delivery and a healthy baby. As a reminder, I'm attempting to do a VBAC and so far everything is set up to be a success, as baby is head down, facing the right way, and the midwife told me he's in great position to make labor easier than harder. Trusting God for this little miracle about to bless our lives!

"Hi Baby Bro-thu!"

I have had a number of people lately ask me if we are ready for baby...how Micah is doing...are we preparing him for baby's arrival...how are we preparing him, etc. My answer always seems to be, as ready as we'll be! We talk about baby quite a bit, as things have changed around the house as well as my ever growing belly. Baby's room, baby's clothes, baby's chair...and it seems like Micah is understanding bits and pieces for sure, but it's hard to know exactly what's going through a 22 month old's head. So we go into the next week with a little bit of apprehension, and anxiety, but also excitement, anticipation and peace.

Micah constantly comes up to my belly and says "Hi Baby Bro-thu!" as well as "I lub you baby bro-thu!" As much as I try to get him to keep my shirt down, he insists on lifting it up to talk to baby, so I apologize for the bare belly. He then will pull the shirt down and say "Bye-bye baby bro-thu." I believe he clearly understands something...and we have been reading new baby books from the library the last few weeks further attempting to help him comprehend the life-changing event he's about to experience. Now that we're a mere 5 days away from the due date, it's becoming more and more of a reality.

One funny story that happened this week - I was at my weekly midwife appointment and she was asking Micah where his baby brother was. He was sitting next to me and laid his head on my belly, saying his typical "Hi baby bro-thu" and then quickly proceeded to rub the left side of my chest (if you get my drift, haha) saying "two baby bro-thus!!" Well, not quite buddy...and if we're going there, then really it's 3 baby bro-thus, but you get this picture:) It was seriously hilarious, as he's never done that before and I couldn't believe this was the time he picked to do it. Tonight as I was sharing the story with friends, Micah overheard me say the "two baby bro-thus" part and came over attempting to do the same thing. This time I was aware and was able to block, but funny that it's the last week he's deciding to go this route. Ahh, the thought-processes of little kiddos. I'm sure we will have many more funny stories throughout the years to follow.

We do love you baby brother, and can't wait to meet you. Come out, come out! Soon:)

Easter 2012

As I was reminiscing about the small group Easter brunch, it caused me to go back and find out where we were at last Easter...and discovered that Micah learned how to stand for the first time last Easter. And, we had been unable to attend our Easter service at church all the way through because of Micah's inability to stay in service or nursery. Thankfully this year was different, and we were able to thoroughly enjoy our Easter service and be reminded of the blessing that we have through Christ and His dying for our sins so that we have eternal life.

After service and nap time, we enjoyed another Easter egg hunt, this time with Grandma and Grandpa around our house. Micah discovered that the eggs had a "snack" in them shortly in to the hunt, however, and was quite content with snacking his way through the rest of the hunt. Oh well, treats are allowed in special occasions, right? Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for coming out and spending the day with us! We had such a great time:)

(btw, keep in mind I am 38+ weeks pregnant in these pictures, haha!)

Small Group Easter Brunch

We are on our 2nd annual small group Easter brunch, and what a fun group of kiddos and adults we have! It is amazing what a year can do, and how much Micah has grown up since last Easter. Micah was still taking morning naps and unable to walk last year at this time, so he was able to thoroughly enjoy the Easter egg hunt in a new capacity this year.

The dads hid the 70 Easter eggs yet again while the children waited inside. This year there was no cookie decorating to distract the kids, so they all began hovering around the door, trying to get a peek at what was going on outside, waiting for the chance to burst though the doors!

"Is it time yet, Momma??!?"

"Egg!"


"So much fun. I see another one!"


"Where to next?"

"SLIDE! No need to hunt down eggs anymore."

Micah chose not to be in the kid picture this year.


Christian and Garrett making memories again.


"I love you Momma!"


The girls - we were short a couple this year.

Probably last picture as a family of 3!!

The boys.


"Hey Momma, don't mind me. This is just my friend Leah. We're just chillin' here on this swing! :)" I told Noelle she'd better watch out for Micah - apparently he has a thing for older women, haha.

"Lel-low!"

I have been cleaning out my classroom/office at school in preparation of the new stage of life I'm about to enter...and in the process found a huge box of crayons I had bought one of my first years of teaching. Christian had told me the other day that Micah was in need of new crayons because his had all broken; I told Christian to not worry about it, because I had it covered:)

Nana Kay and Papa C visited...again

Due to Kari's unexpected arrival, Micah was able to enjoy some unexpected family time! Meeting Josh, hanging out with Kari, and enjoying grandparent time. It was nice to have family around to play with Micah, especially when I was trying to clean or cook, as was the scene in these pictures. If only they all lived a little closer:) Florida, Georgia, St.Louis (not bad really, especially considering the others locations of my family) and oh, say, Senegal, West Africa....doesn't bode well for my family and getting together all that often! Thankfully Christian's family lives closer, although his parents are retiring to Detroit area in September, which makes us all a little sad. Due to all the factors mentioned above, we are soaking in every family moment we get!

Big boy chair

Look at my new reading spot! Mommy and Daddy moved my rocking chair into baby's room, but that's okay because I have a much cooler spot to read now :)

Life goes on...

Yes, that's a recent picture of me, my sister and Micah. Why, you might ask, is Kari in this picture with us and at our house?!?! Well, some of you reading this may know, while others haven't heard much, but my dear sister literally fell off a cliff in Africa about 4 weeks ago. To put it bluntly, she shouldn't be alive, but by God's grace, and ONLY HIS!, she is, and we are all so, so grateful.

There really is no way to make this story short, so bear with this post. Kari is teaching in a missionary school in Dakar, Senegal, West Africa, and ended up meeting and becoming engaged to a fellow teacher at this same school this year. Her and Josh decided to take some engagement pictures on an island just off of Senegal called N'Gor Island. All was going well, as you can tell from the first two pictures below, until they decided to sit on a rock a little too close to the edge of a cliff, which in turn gave way.

The above picture is a stock picture, but shows the cliff from which Kari fell. The benches you see at the top are the same benches you see in the picture of her and Josh with the hearts on the back. This is where I allow Josh's email to do the telling of the story:

Dear Friends and Family,

I am asking for your prayers for Kari. On Thursday evening her and I, along with a couple good friends Mike and Mindee went out to N'Gor Island to get our engagement pictures taken. Mike is a great photographer so he was taking our pictures for us. One of the spots we wanted to get pictures was on the edge of a cliff that overlooks the ocean. This is a popular spot for tourists to take in the beauty of this area. Kari and I were sitting on two very large rocks that looked like they were very sturdy and we thought there was absolutely no risk. As we were getting into position to get pictures, Kari's rock gave way and fell to the bottom of the cliff. Kari was trying to grab for whatever she could but was falling as well. I grabbed onto her shirt to try and catch her but her shirt ripped and she fell about 20-25 feet down the rocky shore. On the way down she bounced off a big rock sticking out of the cliff and then landed between two big rocks that were in the water. She landed on her back. Mike was the first one down to her as he was in a better position to climb down than I was. I met up with them shortly, relieved to hear her moaning; I thought I had lost her.

Mike was a great help, getting to her first and securing her until I could get down there and together we could get her up on a ledge and clear from the waves for the most part. Mike climbed back up the cliff and he and Mindee called our friend JP and our director Joe and also sought help from some of the Senegalese guys who were around. 2 or 3 of them came down to help me get Kari to safety. They walked her around a ledge that was sticking out and up the cliff to safety. As they started to walk her away from the ledge we were standing on, one of the guys accidentally knocked a rock off the cliff that hit me in the back. It didn't really cause any damage.

Once back up the cliff, one of the guys put Kari on his back and carried her all of the way across the island and to a boat that took us to the mainland. Mike drove us all to the hospital where we met up with JP, Cori and Jim. They had brought some clothes for the both of us as we were soaked from the water.

Kari has suffered a broken right wrist, a badly sprained and bruised left foot, a fractured vertebra and several scrapes and bruises. We are still in the hospital and initially the doctor said she had to stay until Monday, but we are hoping she can leave today or tomorrow. She is doing well but it will be a long road to recovery.

Please pray for her recovery. Pray for the injuries I mentioned above. She is sick of being couped up in the hospital and is upset about how little mobility she has.

In light of the accident, we have much to be thankful for and to praise God for. She really could not have fallen in a better position to be safe from the crashing waves. To only have the injuries that she has is nothing else but an act of God. We both believe that his angels were guiding her fall. One funny story from this is when she came to and realized what was going on, she was really worried about her sandals. She kept asking me to find her sandals...haha.

We have already felt an outpouring of prayer and encouragement from the Dakar Academy community. Several friends have come to visit and helped with translating as my French is not strong enough to communicate effectively in this situation.

Please keep Kari in your prayers as you think of it. I'll keep you posted on her progress.

Love from Senegal,
Joshua

The below two pictures are quite graphic, but demonstrate her wrist and foot shortly thereafter the accident. We were at first worried about her back the most, but as time has gone on, her wrist has actually been the most concerning and the reason that there is a picture with me, Micah and her as of recent as yesterday!

Below is a snip-it from an email Kari sent out about 1 1/2 weeks after the fall, and it is awesome to see God's hand on her and her maturity through such a tragic experience.

Hi Family,

So it's just another normal Sunday here in Dakar. Hot and sunny, and off to church...everyone except me, of course. (Well, maybe not EVERYONE-perhaps others are sick...-but that's what it feels like at least.) I decided to take a little extra time on my devotional this morning, and I found myself for some reason looking up pictures of N'Gor Island, the place of the fall. We just got our engagement photos yesterday (they're really good!), but it made me want to find a good picture of where I fell. Although my body tells me that what happened is very real, sometimes I find myself wondering about the event, because the fact that I am living just seems utterly impossible. But, our God does the impossible. I don't know why I was allowed to fall in the first place, because certainly God could've stopped it. But I am so thankful for how clear His hand was in saving me.

I'm technically on bed rest for 40 days or so, and only allowed to walk to the bathroom with a back brace, and then back to bed. I sit up some but am very intentional about keeping my back straight. Now, I enjoy a lazy day on the couch here and there just like the best of them, but really, I'm a pretty active person. So this is hard. The hardest thing is that I am so helpless. I literally can't get food, can't get a drink, can't get my pills open, can't do hardly anything, without the assistance of someone else. I hate depending on others, and I'm afraid of becoming a burden to them; but, I have no choice. I'm truly learning what it means to be a part of the body of Christ. So many have helped me in extraordinary ways, from in the hospital to now back at home. I'm beginning to get a true glimpse of the global community of God and all of my brothers and sisters in Christ whom I will one day meet in heaven. I was overwhelmed to see how many people responded in prayer to Josh's updates, people I don't even know. Of course there's my family and your church groups and friends, so many people I don't even know, praying! And then, everyone here has sent this request to their homes as well. People all over the US, all over Africa, and even in Korea are praying for me. Thousands of people that I do not know are praying for me! And, I honestly believe it's helping. I feel way better than I ever thought possible at this point, and it just must be the prayers. I think God has big plans to draw me close to Him during this.

Thank you Family, for listening and praying. I am going to send pics of some of my wounds and me in the hospital :) I'm also going to send the best pic I could find of where I fell, just to give you a clearer picture of how miraculous this was. N'Gor is a major surfing spot, hence the crashing waves referenced earlier and the surfer in the picture. Those are the cliffs in the background. On the very top you can see some stone benches. We took a picture on one of the benches and then walked straight ahead to the cliff for a picture. So, the cliff edge on the left is very close to where I fell.

Love you,
Kari

Due to continued pain in her wrist, and a follow-up in Dakar with a Brazilian doctor, Kari faxed x-rays to an orthopedic office in Chicago-land area for a third opinion. Kari's wrist was not setting correctly and needed surgery within 3 weeks of her fall, otherwise it would be too bad beyond repair. This was discovered on a Thursday, and by Sunday evening, I was picking up Josh and Kari from the airport.

We certainly had a great time meeting Josh and getting to spend unexpected time with Kari. Although we weren't excited about the reasoning of why that time happened, we were again grateful for God's protection in her life. Kari had surgery on Wednesday, 20 days after her fall, and Josh's email below explains in detail about what the doctor found and the expected road to recovery from the surgery:

Hey Guys,

Kari had her surgery yesterday. It lasted about 3 hours. When the doctor was finished she came out to discuss the procedure with us and explain what she did, what she saw and what kind of recovery SHE can expect. She was very nice and took the time to fully explain everything she did and answer any questions I had even though she had to go to another procedure.

Kari's wrist was more damaged that the doctor estimated based on looking at the x-rays. She explained to us that her wrist was pretty much all crushed together on the inside. There were broken bones but also bones that have slid back on each other when she fell. There was also some ligament damage and extensive cartilage damage - she estimates that about 80% of the cartilage in Kari's wrist was crushed. The doctor pieced everything back together the best she could and then stabilized it all with a metal plate that will stay in forever. She said she also had one small bone broken off on the underside of her wrist that did not need to be addressed b/c it's still attached to a ligament.

With the amount of structural damage and loss of cartilage, the doctor said that Kari will have have a stiff wrist for the rest of her life. She expects that Kari will only be able to move her wrist up and down a little bit. She did not say whether or not she would have any range of motion side to side. This news was very difficult for me to hear b/c I know how much Kari loves playing sports and being active. It is a big part of who she is and now she has a fight ahead of her to regain as much functioning back in her wrist as possible.

However, I do know that the Lord is still the Great Physician. He gave mankind doctors and the technology to go in and repair His creation. But, nobody knows us like our Creator. Both Kari and I have used the analogy of Jesus standing alongside the doctors, holding their hand and guiding every movement like they were puppets. We also envision Jesus knitting together her wrist in there, doing the fine, intricate little repairs that the doctors are not able to do. As I was typing this letter I took a break and opened another email for this daily devotional that I get. Kari and I have been reading them together while we have been here. The title of the devotion is "Trust Me" and the first scripture reference is Psalm 121. But another reference also spoke to my heart. It is Isaiah 43:2 which says "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you." Neither Psalm 121 nor Isaiah 43:2 say that nothing bad will ever happen to us. But, what it does say, is when you go through tough times, through valleys or rivers, God is there with us. He will not let the weight of the situation overflow us.

Please continue to pray for complete healing in Kari's wrist. We have a follow-up appointment on Tuesday and then she gets stitches out next Friday. The doctor would like to see Kari again in 4-6 weeks to follow up and start physical therapy. The good news is she doesn't see any problem with Kari flying back to Dakar with me on April 7th. Since there is nothing more they can do here during the next 4-6 weeks, Kari would like to return to Dakar to spend time with her students and get things in order for the remainder of the school year.

I apologize for not writing this last night. We got back from the hospital much later than expected last night and we were just exhausted. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. One great thing that has come from all of this is we have grown so much closer to each other, and together, we have grown much closer to God as well. He has brought us to a place of complete dependence on Him and we are learning so much about His power and love for us in a real way! We will continue to update you guys as we see the doctor and different things like that. Kari has appointments to get an MRI done on her back and get her ankle looked at as well. We figured since we are here we will just get it all looked at just to be sure that nothing was missed!

Love you guys,

Josh and Kari

While here for the 2 weeks, we had my parents out during the surgery, and then Josh's sisters, niece and mom came out over the weekend. Micah and Audrey are going to be the flower girl and ring bearer in the upcoming wedding, and they had a great first interaction, as shown below, haha. Micah was sharing his crackers with Audrey, and was helping her get them (all the way) in her mouth.

We wanted to make sure to get some shots with Kari and Micah before they headed back out to Africa, as I think Micah has a special place in his heart for his Aunt Kari. She was at the hospital when he was born, lived with us for a while, and spent 2 weeks with us last summer as well. Not to mention, we skype with Kari and Josh more than any other family member so he is able to see her face quite frequently. We love you Aunt Kari (and soon to be Uncle Josh)! We are so grateful we had the last 2 weeks with you and pray for continued healing on your body. And we will see you again soon, when you fly back out here at the beginning of May to begin physical therapy on your wrist.